The soil is very rocky here...many seeds have been sown but have fallen through the rocks, or the birds have gobbled them up. Sometimes I feel like there is a giant wind blowing and the seeds can't even reach the soil--they are carried away before they touch ground. It has been frustrating to face rejection--either subtly or openly...and so many things get misconstrued or misunderstood...I hate the notion that the foundation of my life can be compared to other major foundations out there because my students have failed to understand grace...and that we are all lost...that my good works are as filthy rags without the ONE who ordains and inspires them. They just don't get it...and I am simultaneously frustrated and saddened as I have to leave the seeds I have sown to either take root or to perhaps blow away, without a future chance of there being more seeds. As I look deeply into each of their eyes and reflect on our relationships, my heart hurts--this may be the last time I ever see them--on earth or on the other side, and that stings. I have come to love each of them deeply--even the ones who have frustrated me most--because I know WHOSE they are and that they bear his image, even though they will never see his face. I think of their lives--their lack of desire to question or inquire about why they work so hard and what it is they are really living for...for them, values seem abstract... too tricky to discuss...I have been petitioning the father for them...that my work here (and I am only a conduit or a vessel) will not return void. I know I cannot stay to watch the end of the game, but I do so dearly hope that one day I will be able to call some of them my brother or sister and they will know the hope I have and the saving grace of you know who.
Please remember these lost ones...they are just like you and me in so many ways. They are educated. They are mothers and fathers and they want their children to have a good life...they desire harmony and peace and happiness--it dominates their lives...in fact harmony may be their compass. And yet even as they succeed and excel in hospitality, graciousness and generosity, they have built their homes on sand...on shifting sand and the torrents are falling. I often wonder how they can get some things SO right and yet they cannot (or will not) grasp the heart behind it all. Just please remember them during your quiet times...they will go home tomorrow to their lives and their families and some of them will tuck this summer away as a nice memory but nothing more...remember them most of all. Ask the king of the harvest to send more workers...
On a more logistical note, we will be flying to Beijing on Friday morning (Thursday night in the U.S.). We stay for two nights and then begin the trek back to Gville on Sunday morning (Saturday night for you). We arrive in FL on Monday morning and drive to Gville from Jax...I cannot wait to hug and kiss my children--I may not let them go for a few weeks. It has been getting harder each day...Ty was crying on skype this morning and that set the course for my entire day...I am at the point now where if I think about them crying I start and I have a hard time stopping. What an odd thing to be a mommy and desire to be obedient to the father...I have learned further the meaning of "sacrifice." I deeply desire to use this summer to catapault me into new arenas when I return...but I also want it to clip my wings slightly so that I am home more and present with my kids more and I appreciate more of life right where I am at...I do know this--I am a born-teacher...I can feel it in my bones that when I return to work it will be in a classroom. That was an issue I had hoped to gain clarity on this summer and I can honestly say that being a teacher is my calling--no matter how hard I have tried to resist it. Anyway, this has shaped up to be a long post. Hope you don't mind :) I can't wait to see everyone...friends and family...I will try to write again from Beijing and then after that you will just have to hear the stories in person :) Zai jian!!
A Christmas presentatio where we sang silent night and lit candles:
VBS package from home!
Our team:
